By Nashrah Tanvir, New Age Islam
2 January 2025
My Hijab And Sometimes Abaya Is Not Only Personal But Performative. It Is My Feminist Strategy Of Conspicuous Visibility And A Means Of Pushing Back Against Sexism, Racism, And Islamophobia
-----
I always dressed in a way anyone would deem ‘modest’, but my love affair with Hijab began when a well meaning person advised me to never wear one as it is not proper for dark skinned women to further make themselves ugly, implying that dark skin is ugly in itself, which is rooted in regionalism, colourism, and casteism.
(File Photo)
-----
Unfortunately, I was not a determined, powerful woman who thought I would show them that I have ability to look beautiful in a headscarf but a vengeful one who decided I will show the world what it is afraid of- a dark-skinned woman wrapped in a hijab. From hijab caps and to pins, there was a lot of learning involved and sometime later I shifted to Abaya as well. Hijab felt like freedom in two ways, it was a conscious choice without external factors and it embodied my autonomy, agency, and voice in a world often marked by marginalisation and stereotypes about my community.
I remember when my classmates would ask why my parents has yet not forced hijab on me to they want to wear hijab despite being non-Muslims, both of which were problematic in different contexts. Won’t it be simple for a Savarna Hindu woman to wear hijab for fun and disregard it without facing any of the turbulent oppression that comes along with being Muslim women? It would be a form of religious appropriation.
Back to why clothes empower me, someday you’ll find me in hijab and Abaya and other days you can witness me wearing summer dresses and shorts. I change clothes as if it’s nothing more than a fickle mind but it is deliberate strategy to survive in a political climate that is not accepting of feminine bodies. While hijab is a signal that that here I am despite all your efforts to erase me; dresses, shorts, and skirts were an attempt at change.
My damaged skin and scars due to dermatillomania and self-harm made me hide behind veil of modesty for quite a while. I perfected the excuse to be a pious person – not the sort who prays five times a day- but the one who makes sure her legs are always covered, not providing an opportunity for anyone to gasp at legs that seem to have been through hell and back. I needed a change because I was tired of lying that I wear clothes that cover my arms and legs for Allah. My body is covered with scars. So many that it would take a while to count them all. Most of the scars reside on my thighs and knees. I’ve lived most of my life shame-ridden.
For a man, a scarred skin may be looked upon as masculine. For a woman, however, she may be considered less feminine if her skin is scarred; hers should be soft, smooth, and blemish-free. What a difference a scar makes, just like scarf!
Furthermore, the marked female body is often more pathologised than a man’s marked body. Women with tattoos are described as having personality disorders, specifically, borderline personality disorder, and substance addiction, and a history of sexual abuse. However, having these experiences as well as tattoos isn’t something that needs to be looked down upon either.
When the skin is cut, the body bleeds. When the body bleeds, the body heals. But when the body heals, what about the scars? Learning that scars are not the wound itself, they are the healing of the wound was a difficult process. Someday, I’m still afraid that someone will look at my skin and be grossed out. I don’t mean to normalise self-harm but not to stigmatize self -harm. When one becomes socially stigmatized, this also often leads to self-stigma, which means that a stigmatized group accepts the negative attitudes and comes to hold feelings of self-blame. Shame kept me from seeking help for more than a decade. Even when I sought psychological help, it was hard to disclose my scars and talk about self-injury.
Since self-injury not only appears ugly, but is is deemed a pathology and a deviant practice that is not socially sanctioned and culturally accepted. As a result, getting the relevant help in environment of Indian psychiatric institution is difficult. One of the most bizarre thing I’ve faced from a psychiatrist is fatphobia and his conventional advice on which kind of clothing would suit me better, not to forget that my weight gained as a result of medicines he prescribed without informing me about side effects. Now, every day is an inner-battle to not fat-shame myself. Managing visible scars often means managing the stigma of scars, and one’s bodies can easily become the focal point of attention for both the self and others.
I have carved or burnt my body in different situations and from different moods in the past, but they are all with me at the present and will be with me in the future. Without the scars, I am not the person that others see me as or I see myself as. I’m trying to choose compassion over disgust but there are hard days when compassion doesn’t win.
Clothing is the bridge between our private internal world and everything else, and an opportunity and tool for connection, belonging, expression, and awakening. And, with every choice, there are impacts, personal impacts as well as social impacts, and I’ve never been safe from patriarchal notions. Therein lies the reason I started wearing headscarf now and then.
My Hijab and sometimes Abaya is not only personal but performative. It is my feminist strategy of conspicuous visibility and a means of pushing back against sexism, racism, and Islamophobia. The concept of modest fashion embraces many different styles, and as its name suggests, it refers to clothing that conceals rather than delineates the contours of the human body. However, performance is a wide-ranging and difficult practice to define and holds many, at times conflicting, meanings and possibilities. My fashion is not limited to mimetic repetition because Muslim women and Indian women wear similar clothing.
Another movement that’s somewhat controversial but necessary in clothes politics of feminism is Free the Nipples. The feminine body is still seen as inappropriate and worthy of censorship. We are all born with nipples, yet half the population live in a censored world where their nipples are unacceptable while the other half has the right to expose them as they please. The oppression lies in the sexist belief that women simply want to flaunt their bodies in public. However, it’s about pushing back on a society that views women’s bodies as inappropriate and the shame this creates. One day, I want to be brave enough to discard bra. If I were asked to be the stereotype to burn it over flame, I would be there as someone who finds bras incredibly uncomfortable. But I am learning one step a time that how to reclaim my body back.
Clothes do matter, especially now that visible minorities are openly challenged by political developments. Fashion is more than a way of getting ready to a way of living, it is my resistance against unacceptance. For now, I’ll enjoy what little representation of Hijabi women is available in We are Lady Parts, which is about a Muslim women punk rock band and depicts hijabi women who don’t live to tick boxes of stereotyping instead of shows where Muslim women remove hijabs for their white or Hindu saviours. Meanwhile every garment I don is an attempt to reclaim my body from patriarchal culture.
The purpose of prevalent islamophobia is to evoke the hijab as a symbol of oppression, however, the very majority, who makes up the most of Islamophobes are Ironically the oppressors of veiled Muslim women. The oppressors are used to not understanding the true reason why Muslim women veil or do not veil, often perceive women like me in need of saving. However, true reason why I sometimes wear hijab and sometimes don’t lies in choice.
However, neither my opinion nor any woman’s opinion of veiling has the same view, which is important to note since generalization of Muslim women is a vast problem. Indian Muslim women are raised in diverse cultural and regional settings and backgrounds. While many Muslim women observe the practice of veiling. Unfortunately, many people don’t regard hijab as my free choice, I remember being advised by a shopkeeper not to wear it during the hot months as well as my mother isn’t thrilled by idea of Abaya and believes it would make me uncomfortable. Irony is no one ever asks me about it.
I also do recognize my privilege that every Muslim woman is not free to make her choice about headscarf. Some women can be coerced into wearing one but India being a majoritian nation designed against the marginalized population means that more and more women veil because they have the right and desire to do so despite the dangers it presents.
There is no one image of Muslim women because they personally decide what does and does not correspond with their bodies and beliefs. Reasons for my hijab lies in fashion, political expression, resistance to Hindutva forces, stereotypes, and opposition to women’s objectification. However, various other Muslim women’s reasoning may include closeness to religious practice as well. In wake of Ahoo Daryae’s daring protest of stripping down against misogynist forces in Iran, many artists depicted Muslim women as a crowd mentality, dark skinned people in long black dresses who cowered before Ahoo Daryae, which formed a perfect imagine of colonization. Therefore, white feminist and Savarna feminists always end up throwing other women under the bus in the process of speaking up for the ones that suit their narratives.
I remember how often I’ve to unveil for metro checks and even security in movie halls. I remember proudly wearing a pink hijab to celebrate theme of Barbie movie, only having to end up removing it. I’m not someone who can argue given my delibitating social anxiety disorder and autism.
Because of the build-up of islamophobia throughout history, many Muslim women feared being attacked for having an Islamic identity and/or sought to diminish the suspicious looks of others and, therefore, faced the predicament of de-veiling. Sometimes, the decision was irrelevant as public places like schools and colleges in Karnataka banned the veil. Similarly, Muslim women are way less likely to get jobs based on their names and condition is worse if someone wear a Hijab as well.
To diminish the discrimination and the tension of the controversy of the veil, it is possible that learning about the veil from a first-hand perspective can be influential and beneficial to the larger non-Muslim population and thus create a more understanding and accepting environment.
-----
Nashrah Tanvir writes poems about mental health, feminism, and Islam. Her poems have appeared in The Hindustan Times, Magic Pot, The Teenagers Today, The Radiant, Gulmohar Quarterly and AZE Journal. She has performed spoken word poetry with Kommune Delhi NCR, Delhi Poetry Slam, PPoets of Delhi and Speaking Soul. Her works have also appeared online on DisLit Youth Literary Magazine, Poems India, All India Queer Association, and Wingword Poetry Prize.
URL: https://www.newageislam.com/islam-women-feminism/back-forth-hijabs-skirts/d/134223
New Age Islam, Islam Online, Islamic Website, African Muslim News, Arab World News, South Asia News, Indian Muslim News, World Muslim News, Women in Islam, Islamic Feminism, Arab Women, Women In Arab, Islamophobia in America, Muslim Women in West, Islam Women and Feminism