Those Who're Really Wise, Refrain From Giving Advice

By Sumit Paul, New Age Islam 13 November 2024 While reading an early sixteenth-century volume of the Persian mystical poem the Tuhfat al-Ahrar (Gift of the Free) by Abd al-Rahman Jami (d. 1492), signed by Mir Ali Haravi (d. 1544), I found a profound observation in the book, "Never advise because no one likes it." Very true. Actually, no one wants advice- only corroboration. While we may seek advice and counsel from others, we usually only really want affirmation of our own thoughts and feelings. People feel more confident when their feelings and opinions are reinforced by others. We may feel like we are seeking guidance, but in reality, we are looking for someone to agree with us, to confirm what we have been thinking. So, even when asking for advice, we should remember that we ultimately want confirmation, not necessarily new ideas or ways of thinking. American author and Nobel laureate in Literature John Steinbeck aptly said, "You know how advice is. You only want it if it agrees with what you wanted to do anyway." This quote speaks to the idea that the advice we seek often confirms our own pre-existing ideas or opinions. We are often more likely to listen to advice that is in line with our opinions than advice that may be contrary to our beliefs. This quote highlights the need for us to be open to the ideas of others and to welcome perspectives outside of our own. Despite our preconceived notions on a matter, it is important to remain open to the possibility that others' advice may be beneficial in the long run. Now the pertinent question is: Why do we dislike advice? Because, to advise is to feel (more) wise. One who advises, often feels that he or she is wiser than the person who's being advised. We generally don't like those who're wiser than us. At the same time, pieces of advice are often resented because they're unsolicited and also reek of superiority complex. Remember, those who're really wise, refrain from giving advice. Pakistani short story writer Mumtaz Husain, better known as Mumtaz Mufti, aptly said, " Mashvara Aksar Ve Hi Log Dete Hain, Khud Jinhein Iss Ki Sakht Zaroorat Hoti Hai " (Those who advise are often in urgent need of it). Is there any doubt? By the way, Jami was a Sufi scholar and spiritual leader of the Timurid period who wrote poetry and prose in both Persian and Arabic. His works are permeated by the mysticism of the Andalusian philosopher Ibn al-Arabi and make conscious references to the Persian literary past. The Tuhfat al-Ahrar is the third of Jami’s seven Masnavis (very long, rhyming poems) known collectively as the Haft Awrang (Seven Thrones). He wrote it in 1481 in response to Nizami’s Makzan al-Asrar and dedicated it to his Sufi spiritual guide, Khwajah Ahrar. It contains twenty Maqala (discourses), each expounding a different religious or moral theme (prayer, alms-giving, pilgrimage etc.) followed by a narrative anecdote. ----- A regular columnist for New Age Islam, Sumit Paul is a researcher in comparative religions, with special reference to Islam. He has contributed articles to the world's premier publications in several languages including Persian. URL: https://www.newageislam.com/spiritual-meditations/wise-refrain-advice/d/134013 New Age Islam, Islam Online, Islamic Website, African Muslim News, Arab World News, South Asia News, Indian Muslim News, World Muslim News, Women in Islam, Islamic Feminism, Arab Women, Women In Arab, Islamophobia in America, Muslim Women in West, Islam Women and Feminism