Arab men's great dilemma: To marry educated or uneducated woman?!

Islamic Society

10 Sep 2008, NewAgeIslam.Com

Arab men's great dilemma: To marry educated or uneducated woman?!

Majed Thabet Al-kholidy Yemen Times Staff   As the title suggests, the article raises a frequently asked question. Though I have my personal viewpoint to answer, I will first try to shed light on the viewpoints of others, supporting them with real stories from the society. As usual, the topic is left open for all readers to give their opinions with reasons, referring to real stories as supporting examples.   In this article, I will start with shedding light on the opinions that look at the matter of marrying uneducated woman better than marrying educated ones. The opinions which support marrying educated women will be discussed in issues to come.   Some men always recommend the marriage of uneducated women, claiming that life goes easier than marrying educated ones. For them, uneducated woman accepts things as they are, rarely rejects things even if they are not acceptable to them. "An uneducated woman", said a husband, "can be framed and designed as the man wants". By this he means that the uneducated woman is somehow ignorant of many things like women rights, women freedom, gender equality, and so on. As a result, the man rarely faces problems related to these which usually turn the marriage life to hell.   An educated woman, on the other hand, realizes everything around her. She can not be deceived or easily convinced if she believes in something else. "If the husband does not allow his educated wife to go on a picnic with her friends, for example, she will make lectures on humanity, the psychology of humans, human rights and so on", said that husband. If this is the case, such a husband should accept either to let her go, or to let her go after being forced to listen to a number of lectures which may continue some days after going on that picnic.   An educated woman thinks it is her right to share the man everything in life. That is really nice. The idea of sharing sometimes disturbs the rest of life when the man takes decisions without consulting his wife. For most of the uneducated women, on the other hand, sharing life with the husband has a different meaning.   To distinguish between the two cases, let us refer to this real example. A man, I personally know, bought some pieces of furniture for his home. He did so when he got some money, thinking that it was better to buy things for home rather spending the money for useless things. He thought that his wife would thank him for that. But the moment he reached home, she rushed with anger towards him, shouting at him for not taking her opinion before buying such things. He tried to convince her in many ways, but she kept on repeating that it is her right to share everything with him even if in buying furniture for home. As a result, a problem was created, and for more than two weeks the husband and the wife were in dispute for some time.   The other one is a friend of mine who told me that he used to do many things like this, but no problem was created because his wife is uneducated, as he claimed. "I always buy things for home without telling my wife before", he says. As he said, she never tells him that it is her right or not, but on the contrary she feels happy when the husband buys such things for home instead of wasting money in useless things.   In addition to the two cases which advocates marrying uneducated women, there are other opinions which will be discussed in the next articles. Responses to this topic are warmly welcomed to be sent to the newspaper's contacts or my email as shown above. Finally, it is important to remind that I have my own point of view which will be stated when I conclude the discussion of this topic.   Source: http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=1171&p=community&a=1   *******************************   To marry educated or uneducated women? (Part 2)   By: Maged Thabet Al-kholidy   In this article, I'm continuing the topic of why some men prefer marrying uneducated women, rejecting the idea of marrying educated ones. In my last article, I shed light on some cases where men advocate marrying uneducated women by sharing real examples from our society.   To make this topic as clear as possible, I want to shed more light on how some men justify their preference of marrying uneducated women. Again, I want to remind readers that this isn't my personal opinion, but rather real cases from different people.   Some men view uneducated women as "easy in their nature," as they refer to such uneducated women during the initial stages of marriage. According to them, while such women also have a list of demands from the men, they'll accept anything from him.   "An uneducated woman will accept a man – particularly if he's educated – rarely putting conditions upon or seeking extra requirements from him," explained one single man who says he's going to marry an uneducated woman.   Some, particularly women, may say that education plays no role in such cases; rather, it's only the environment in which such women live. While this may be true, an educated woman starts to create her list of demands in secondary school.   Even if she lives with a simple family in a simple environment, education offers her the chance to contact others from different social classes. Of course, one way or another, she'll be affected. But if a simple woman only sticks to her simple family and her simple surroundings, her mind won't change.   "Uneducated women rarely ask questions," notes one husband of an uneducated woman, adding that his wife never asks where he's going or from where he's coming. This first reflects her trust in him and second, it indicates that she recognizes her husband's mood, avoiding anything that may agitate him.   According to this same husband, this is what the husbands of educated women suffer. As an example, he tells of his friend who always tries to escape his home because there he must answer "obligatory questions" about everything his wife may think of.   As another husband of an uneducated wife comments, "I feel that my wife respects and trusts me, which causes me give her all of my faith and respect," adding that, "I hate women who constantly ask questions."   These are several more cases in which uneducated women are preferred over educated ones. Of course, there are other cases and other opinions, so if any readers know of other cases or have other opinions, they may write about it so that readers will become well acquainted with others' experiences and viewpoints on which to marry – an educated or an uneducated woman?   In an effort to be impartial and expand this topic further, I'll shed light on those cases and opinions supporting the idea of marrying educated women in future issues.   Every part of this topic can create a framework, particularly for men, so they can make the right choice. Once acquainted with the positive and negative aspects of each side, a man may make the choice suitable for himself in an effort to have a life free of family problems.   Additionally, choosing either an educated or an uneducated wife, a man won't be surprised by the consequences he may face after marriage because he – and I think everyone of us – will be aware of the positive and negative aspects of each choice.   Finally, I apologize for attacking some critical aspects of educated women, although some men consider these positive attributes. Don't worry, dear educated women, because next week, I'll discuss how useful and good it is to marry an educated woman.   Source: http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=1173&p=community&a=1   *******************************   To marry educated or uneducated women?! (Part 3)  By: Majed Thabet Al-kholidy   Having shed sufficient light on the aspects of marrying uneducated women, it is time to shed light on the aspects of marrying educated women. Again, this is not my personal point of view, but the opinions of others as supported with some real examples taken from our society.   Some men look at the educated women as better than uneducated because of their way of thinking and style of life. Educated women, according to some men, are well behaved and more rational than uneducated ones. "Educated wives are not narrow in their thinking and look at life from a more rational perspective", said an educated young man.   As a matter of fact, educated women do no need orders to do things for her home. She is more careful to do her duties at home and outside home as well. "My educated wife always does everything without tasking her to o so and that makes me feel rest, and saves my time", said a husband of an educated wife.   Educated women, according to some men, deal with life with a sense of responsibility. They realize how life is difficult especially for those who have children with a limited source of incomes. Such wives feel a sense of responsibility and tries as much as possible to offer something for her home and children. "An educate wife tries as much as possible to make the marrige life better and suitable", said that man.   Educated women know the importance of how to grow up children. This make them take it as a matter of duty to do best for growing up her children. They, subsequently, pay attention to heir education, their behaviors and their relations etc. This helps the man and contributes to establish a more stable life.   Educated women also help the husbands in their financial responsibilities of home needs. That is to say, some educated women get chances to work so that they help the husbands in the home expenses. "My educated wife works as a teacher in a one of the governmental schools, and though her salary is not too much, she offers many things which are required for home" said a husband of educated wife.   Educated women can be good wives since they look at life from a wider point of view. They, for example do not make problems if the husbands talk or contact other women because they have an idea that the husbands' relations with other women can be colleagues, friends and so on. In contrast, uneducated women never believe that there are normal relations between men and women and subsequently, they may move earth and heaven if they know that their husbands have relations with other women. For this, the husbands take it easy to talk about their relations with other women, knowing that their wives will not create any problem or even ask any question about such relations with other women.   Of course, there are more positive aspects of marrying educated women. These are only some cases, I hope, dear readers, you shed light on some other cases. Such cases are to be compared with the aspects of marrying uneducated women so that men can realize which one is better to select for future life. Finally, I hope this topic is interesting for you so that you react and send responses to my personal email or the email of the newspaper's editor.   Source: http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=1177&p=community&a=1    ******************************   To marry educated or uneducated women? Part 4   Majed Thabet Al-kholidy Yemen Times Staff   Having surveyed the aspects of marrying educated and uneducated women in the three previous parts of this topic, it is time to conclude the topic with making a contrast between the two cases in regard to the men's conditions and circumstances. Firstly I thank those who sent their responses, commenting on the points of the previous parts. I did really like their viewpoints which show some new aspects of marrying educated and uneducated women.   In this article, though I refer to real stories, I also reveal my point of views about the topic. What I am going to do here is to shed light on how the educational level of the man influences his choice whether to marry educated or uneducated women.   Actually, there are many other factors which influence men's selection of wives like the financial status, the cultural tendency and so on. The factor of the educational level of both plays a role in the marriage life success. So according to the educational level of both each man and woman should choose his/her husband and wife. The following cases show how the marriage life is influenced by the educational status of the man and of the women.   I think, a well-educated man faces many problems when he marries uneducated woman. By problem, I do not mean financial, social or emotional problems but exactly the problems of understanding. Understanding each other is, I think, something essential for marriage life. Of course, the thinking of an educated man would be completely different from the thinking of the uneducated women. This creates a clash between such husband and wife.   To illustrate the point, I would like to refer to a real story. A university doctor has uneducated wife. He always thinks about more future studies and researches, aiming to get higher degrees, updating his knowledge in his specialization. He gives this thing the priority, doing best to achieve his goals. "I never get any support from my wife to do so", he said, claiming that she always blames him for shortcomings which occur because of his deep interest only in the academic field. As he said "problems occur from time to time so that I get fade up", deciding either to stop his academic interest or divorce her.   Such a husband may prove to be ignorant towards his wife and her duties. That may be true and she has the right to fight for them. But the point also indicates that she do not pay attention to his dreams which she must be proud of. This, I think, will not be the same as in the case of the educated woman.   The above example shows the clashes which occur in the marriage life due to the lack of the mutual understanding between the husband and wife. Such marriage may continue for sometime because of some social or family considerations especially if the husband and wife are relatives. But, we can say, or at least I can say, that this marriage has failed.   In comparison with this, the marriage of educated man and educated woman will succeed if the other things like love, social status, etc are achieved. Regarding the example stated above, the failure of marriage is because of the lack of harmony in the understanding between the couple. Such a lack is apparently resulted because of the difference between the education of the wife and husband.   This is only one case in which the difference of the educational level of the husband and the wife may lead to marriage failure. So both men and women who think or who are about to get married must be aware of so that they avoid any bad circumstances later.   Source: http://www.google.co.in/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=1&url=http%3A%2F%2Fyementimes.com%2Farticle.shtml%3Fi%3D1179%26p%3Dcommunity%26a%3D1&ei=LCPCSLHTIoiy6gPLnLXtBg&usg=AFQjCNFJ2gLALDFRtfeM7tfND82Y-yCt9Q&sig2=ltGNel3IVp_n5vLAdX1EBg   **********************************   To marry educated or uneducated women - Part 5 by: Maged Thabet Al-Kholidy   In my last article, I show how an educated man faces problems when he marries uneducated woman. The consequences are also similar when uneducated man gets married to educated woman. But when both of them are similar in their educational status, I think, marriage life would be more suitable.   In this article, I am going to spotlight how a kind of harmony occurs between a husband and wife who have a similar level of educational. This idea is not only my own viewpoint, but many real-life experiences indicate that this is suitable. To prove the point, the following stories show how this kind of harmony occurs in many social aspects.   Let me start with the case in which the husband and wife are educated. In spite of all other factors like love, financial status and family relations, education paves the way for understanding each other. That is to say, when the husband and wife are educated, their framework of thinking is similar. By framework of thinking, I mean many things in marriage life. This aspect actually facilitates life and the number of problems will be lessened because of it. Education usually accentuates the rights and duties of the other. Educated couples don't need to be taught or to create daily disputes about the rights and duties they carry. An educated woman, for example, knows that it is the right of the husband to search for better opportunities either in work or study. On the contrary, an uneducated woman sometimes rejects any idea like this, fighting with husband only to be satisfied with whatever he has since he has only to look after her and their children if they have any. This actually helps in building a kind of stability between the husband and wife who eventually enjoy marital life.   Educated couples know that men and women can build normal relations at work or study. Such relations are marked by respect, morality, help, and many other good values. Because of this, they are not too sensitive about the relations of one with others of the opposite sex. What I mean is that the man can accept the idea that his wife encounters men in her field of work if it requires so. He may take this well, not because he is not jealous about his wife or because he is careless about that, but it is because he trusts her and, of course, he is aware of her behavior and relations with others.   Similarly, the educated woman may not create any problems for her husband when he establishes good and moral relations with other women in the workplace. Because of education, she realizes the kind of relationships that her husband will have with women at work.   A friend's father works in a private company where there are many women – both married or unmarried - working with him. Believe it or not, from time to time he invites them for dinner with his family or to parties at his home. It is his wife who prepares for such invitations and it is also she who warmly receives them when they come. His wife also sometimes asks her husband to invite them, feeling that they are like sisters for her and her husband.   If we investigate more, it is noticeable that such things never happen when the husband is educated while the wife is not or vice versa.   Educated couples tend to think about the future in the same ways. One such issue is the way to raise their children. When the couple is educated, both of them do their best to give their children the best possible education. They also support their children's desires to continue their education to higher levels. But if one of them is not educated, he or she may suddenly ask the son or daughter to stop studying if he or she feels it is useless.   To illustrate the point, an uneducated husband and educated wife have a young son. The husband always encourages his son to work so that he can start earning money sooner. He never asks or encourages him to finish his secondary school studies. But the wife always moves heaven and earth if she feels that her son is hesitating to finish his studies. She always encourages his to study, providing him with all means and facilities. Though this may negatively affects the performance of the son, it also creates many issues and disputes between the husband and the wife.   There are many positive points for marriage of educated couples. I hope, dear readers, you also discuss the topic I am referring to in some other aspects and share with us some examples.   http://www.google.co.in/url?sa=t&source=web&ct=res&cd=2&url=http%3A%2F%2Fyementimes.com%2Farticle.shtml%3Fi%3D1181%26p%3Dcommunity%26a%3D2&ei=LCPCSLHTIoiy6gPLnLXtBg&usg=AFQjCNFGB-BVW5ym3PBxbHOXszfZYZ-CMw&sig2=kAQsuSWxGcYwrbP6EXvm2A     *****************************************   Through The Mind's Eye: To marry educated or uneducated women? (Part 6)  By: Maged Thabet Al-kholidy   Firstly, I am really sorry for not publishing my column in the last Thursday's issue because I was somehow busy. Then, I would like to thank Mr. Adel Hassan who responded to the series of my topic "to marry educated or uneducated women?'' in his article entitled "Educated women: between misunderstanding and misbehavior" which was published last week, issue No. 1183. In his article, Adel shed light on an important point which is how men look at some cases of educated women, and accordingly they generalize any negative aspects of such cases for all educated women.   Actually I like Mr. Adel's points of view, though I have some comments on some of them. These comments are not only for Adel but for all those who are interested in the topic.   Adel refers to our Prophet's (PBUH) saying that: "Educated individuals belong to the soil of wisdom". That is right, but that is not restricted to only one gender (male or female).   This reference was to respond to those who "Misunderstand" women in their behaviors. The two examples that Mr. Adel gave of this misunderstanding are: 1. educated women will be like "controlling ministers" at homes, and 2. it will be easy for such women "to make relations with more than 100 guys".   Though Mr. Adel rejected the idea of generalizing this concept of educated women, I am against his point of view in the sense that even if it is generalized, there are reasons behind that. When the educated women become like ministers at homes, it is not always something negative. Such women do many things good for homes, children and above all for husbands. They turn to ministers, or it is better to say behave like ministers, because they realize many things related to life around them, not because they are bad and must be avoided as wives, but because they became aware and enough acquainted with this-and-that of life. They, thus, behave confidently, doing best to safe and serve marriage life. In spite of this, some husbands look at this point negatively.   Adel also refers to those who claim that educated women may have relations with guys easily. Again he rejected the idea of generalizing this for all women. It is good, but Adel may have forgotten that they do this because the environment of study that sometimes requires so.   They, moreover, make such relations, not away from our social and religious conventions, regardless of some exceptions.   That is to say, university girls make relations with boys but these relations are not necessarily bad or immoral. Mr. Adel and myself also were university students, for example.   Of course, we came across many relations with ladies. But such relations were marked with respect, morality so that we dealt with ladies as if they were sisters to us. So all people have to know that it is not the fault of such women, but it is the requirement of study which helps the two genders to trust each other and to understand, not to misunderstand, the relations that take place between them.   In the last part of my series I shed light on how men deal with women from different angles. I insisted upon the idea that when men are educated they easily accept many behaviors of educated women and vice versa. But the case will be different if one of the couple is educated and the other is not. So, it is better to deal with matter from this point at least at current time at which many traditional conventions are still dominant in our society.   Adel's preference of marrying educated woman is somehow convincing and logical. But again it is so only to those who are educated and know the nature of educated women, while uneducated men may reject the idea and take it as a sensitive matter.   In brief, I do thank all those who responded to my articles, appreciating their participations, taking them into account seriously. I also call all of you, dear readers, to suggest new topics which can be valuable for all the society, and convey something about our culture for readers abroad.   Maged Thabet Al-Kholidy is a contributing opinions writer form Taiz. He holds a Masters Degree from the English department at Taiz University and is the former editor of Taiz University's English-language magazine. E-mail: majed_thabet@hotmail.com   From Issue: (1171), Volume 16, From 10 July 2008 to 13 July 2008 to Issue: (1187), Volume 16, From 4 September 2008 to 7 September 2008  Source: http://yementimes.com/article.shtml?i=1187&p=community&a=1